True Happiness.. 23-June-09

Few years back, the trick of how a self-help book could change your life used to work for me. I used to run to the self-help shelves whenever I walked into a bookshop and scan all the books on it. I’d then pick one, buy it, read it and feel the change it made to my way of thinking. Nowadays, when I pass by the self-help shelves I’d go like: read that, read that, read that while pointing my finger to most of the best-seller self-help that I already read: The Power of Positive Thinking, The Secret, The Power of Now, How to be Amazing, Instant Confidence, The Optimist’s Handbook, Life, De-junk Your Mind, Smart Women Finish Rich etc. You name it. And it worked. But for some reason, that trick doesn’t work for me anymore. I don’t know if I’m growing out of it, or that I read many of them that I reached a point where it’s all a cliché to me; been there done that.

It has come to my notice that those kinds of articles and books got widely spread since the financial crisis started. Pick any magazine, there must be a headline on the cover “Happiness doesn’t cost a thing”, “10 ways to boost yourself confidence”, “How to keep your spirit high when the world is down” etc. Now I can’t argue if those articles have any effect on people on the western world. But I’m sure that about 90% of what’s written in all those books and articles doesn’t work for us here in the Arab World or the Gulf in specific.

Let’s take an example: Happiness can be found by having a short walk in the park. First of all, a walk in this sizzling hot weather is suicide. And even if the weather is fine, we don’t have proper parks. If we decide to convince ourselves that those “parks” we have are good enough where the grass is dead and brown with pale palm trees that keep getting in your way and ba3oo’6 flying all around, some guys will pass by and start flirting in the cheapest way possible. If not, some women will come around and stare at you from head to toe. So how can a walk be a source of happiness when we live in a desert with “bado” mentality still existing?

Another example: Happiness can be found in a fine cup of coffee. Ok I agree with that if I was having that cup at home or in a coffee place. But I believe that the joy in coffee comes from the act of walking into a coffee place, ordering your favorite drink and walking out with a take out cup in your hand. I tried doing that several times. In Europe and America it worked perfectly for me. But let me tell you what happens when I do that in here. I drive my car to a coffee place (notice that I’m not saying Starbucks, although it is Starbucks), I struggle to find a parking, and when I do find one I walk under the sun till I get there all sweaty, while placing the order some guy will come infront of me and order since the concept of “queue” doesn’t exist here. I’d then order with a red face (out of anger and sun), take my number and wait for the coffee to be ready till a Pilipino guy screams my number, “where is your number” he’d ask, “In the dust bin” I’d say, “but we need to see it” he’d say, I’d pick up my cup ignorantly, take a plastic cover and walk away in frustration. Back in my car I put my cup in the cup holder, I wouldn’t be able to drink it because it got even hotter than it was before because of the very high degree outside. When I start driving the cup starts going left and right and the coffee drips around the cup. I’d drive with one hand and hold a tissue around the cup. And when it’s finally time to sit back and enjoy my coffee I find myself out of the mood. Who can enjoy a hot cup of coffee in a desert-nature land that goes up to 50 degrees in the summer after all? Cold coffee is not the answer!

Third example: Happiness can be found in long drives. Ok, the longest drive in Bahrain is like 20 minutes! Unless you want to keep spinning around! But who would want to do that in that crazy traffic that keeps getting worse every other day. The behavior on the road is changing, drivers are always speeding in frustration, and horns are always honked even when it’s unnecessary. We now avoid driving when possible to avoid all the driving stress. A drive is obviously not a good way to relax and enjoy the ride.

Fourth: A day by the beach connects you with Mother Nature, the biggest source of happiness. I’ve got one comment about that: the closest proper beach is in Dubai! And the only element of nature that I can see is dust!

I have so many examples that roam around my head all the time. If we put the culture aside, we notice that there are much bigger differences between the East and the West which is the environment and atmosphere. There is no doubt how this has a direct effect on our moods and feelings. Going to work by public transportation, where you sit back and read a book is not the same as driving a car to work under the heating sun and frustrating traffic.

But if those simple common things are not available to us it doesn’t mean that happiness doesn’t exist here. We have the strongest and deepest source of happiness which is warmth of family and the love we feel from people around us. We connect with each other in so many different ways. Our families are huge and our circle of friends is wide. And that is what matters by the end of the day, to love and to be loved.

Let’s look into this example, a typical Friday evening at my grandmother’s house: The kids would be running around and screaming, my uncles would be concentrating on TV, probably watching American Idol or a football match, they’d break their concentration every other while to shush the kids, one of my aunts would walk around holding a cup of tea and talking on her mobile, other aunts and their sisters in law would be standing on a corner discussing last night’s wedding or explaining how’s someone who died is related to someone they know, my mum would be praying and I’d be sitting on one side with a book on my lap.

It would be time for dinner then, we’d all squeeze in the kitchen, some of us would be standing up since there is no enough chairs for all of us. Funny random comments would be said about a certain dish or the way one of us is eating. You’d hear laughs, kids crying, parents yelling all at the same time. And after dinner comes everyone’s favorite part: Tea time. Each one of us would have a cup of milk tea and dip all kind of fresh baked bakery goodies in it. My aunt would then turn to me and ask: “So when are you getting married?”

Now if we compare this example to one of the examples mentioned above, this feeling of belonging and warmth cannot be compared to a walk in the park or the pleasure of having a cup of coffee. Of course it falls under another category, but that is where we get our power and energy from. If self meditating is their source of happiness then socializing is ours.

Let’s take another example, a typical Wednesday evening: Our group of friends would gather in one of our houses. It’s a tradition that has been going on for years. We do nothing but talk and eat. The same topics would come up and be discussed every week: traveling, marriage, crazy imaginations of how we’d be when we grow old and grey, e-mails that we received throughout the week, strange real stories (Aysha’s specialty) etc. And just the fact that Wednesday is around the corner eases the dryness of the week and breaks the weekdays' routine.

We do need good parks, nice weather, proper beaches and high standard public transportation. We even need our people to mind their own business. It is a known fact how our very unhealthy way of living is causing us health problems. We spend most of our time socializing instead of working out and having enough hours of sleep. But what we really need is to dig deep inside of our hearts and not into those useless self-help books and articles to realize the real meaning of happiness. It’s the support you get when you’re in trouble, how the hospital gets filled with visitors when you get sick, how you find yourself surrounded by caring people in sad times and moments of joy. That is true happiness.

Angel on Earth.. 3- April 2009

I achieved one of my very important childhood dreams when I attended Fairouz's concert last year in Bahrain. Tonight, I achieved my second most important childhood dream by attending a concert for Majida Al-Roomi right on the same stage. I consider myself a very lucky person to achieve such dreams by the age of 26.

I was worried all week that something would come up and stop me from being there. I always get that feeling when an important event is coming up. The week went 3ala khair, but I woke up to find out that it was raining and that a thunderstorm is coming up. I spent almost the whole day peeking through the window every now and then checking on the weather and hoping for the storm to WAIT since the concert is going to be held outdoors. Endless messages were sent between me and my friends about what we'll wear, when we'll go and how we'll survive the thunderstorm.

When I first sat on my seat I looked around at the place. It was almost the same as last year. Same crowd, same purple sky and spring breeze. It was a bit chilly but it wasn't raining. I wore my coat and put my phone on silent. I didn’t want anything to distract me from living my dream.

It went dark, live music started playing and an angel in white came out of the very black dark stage. She was more beautiful than ever, classy as usual, wearing that very beautiful smile that comes right from the heart. And what can I say about that voice, that pure magical voice that you can never get enough of.

When I was around 6 years old, I used to play her songs and sing along facing the mirror with a brush in my hand. Sometimes I'd come up with a dance and imagine that I'm dancing on stage and even think of who the audience were. And I still listen to those songs, I can never get bored of them no matter how old I get. We were hoping on our way there that she'd sing some of those 80's songs and she didn't let us down. She did sing three of my very favourite oldies: Ghanni, Ma6ra7ak be albi and Khedny 7abeebi. I was literally dancing on my seat, swinging left and right, singing along knowing every single word and beat. For some moments I felt like it was only me and her. Just like the old days, but instead of the mirror and the tape it was her singing right infront of me.

I loved how she was interacting with the audience throughout the whole concert. She's such a humble person, she assured us that she will keep singing no matter how the weather turns out and that she will fully understand if we decided to leave because of the storm. And the way she feels the music is just amazing. Her gestures, her movements, her very cute way of dancing. She holds her gown and moves to the left and to the right and sometimes down and then up again. You just can't take your eyes off of her.

Bahrainis always loved her, she used to come here often and she even had a song about Bahrain. One of her songs was shot in Bahrain, ana 3am ba7lam, right in the same fort where the concert was held. But the audience weren't just Bahrainis this time. There were many Lebanese of course, Kuwaitis, Iraqis and Saudis. Those were the accents that I heard around me and I'm sure that many others were present.

Another dream that came true tonight is that she sang many of my very favourite old Lebanese songs in a medley: 6alo a7babna for Wadee3 el9afi and Raje3 yet3amar Lebnanfor Zaki Nasif. I'm a very big fan of national Lebanese songs and it was more than marvelous to hear it in her delicate voice. I'm sure that the Lebanese lady that was sitting on my left thought that I was Lebanese for singing all those songs fluently!

The audience went mad when she started singing eltoba, which is originally for Abdul Halim. I've always preferred her version, she has a unique way of singing it. And I was surprised that she still sings it in her concerts. It's so nice of a big singer like her to sing songs for others when she has a huge collection of her own songs. I also enjoyed very much how they jazzed up her old songs in a very contemporary way. I'm sure that most audience who were not so familiar with her songs couldn’t tell the old from the new.

Back in the mid 90's a concert was held for Majida in Albert Hall in London. I remember how much I wished to be there when I saw some short scenes on TV and I even recorded them. I'm sure that the tape is still there, somewhere between all those video tapes I have. Which reminds me of also recording a whole concert for her that was aired on Bahrain TV. I think that it was Eid and it was held here in Bahrain in 1994, all I remember is that she was wearing a white suit and that I was too young to attend such concerts.

Everything was perfect, from the music to the lighting. It was too good to be true that we didn't feel that the two hours were already over. I couldn’t believe it when she waved goodbye and thanked the maestro. That's it? It took me few seconds to wake up from that magical dream and realize that it's over. She left, but she came back to sing one of the most beautiful lyrics ever written, Beirut set el dunia. She left again, but we waited, hoping that she'd come back and sing some more. But she didn't, and the dream was over with no storm or a single drop of rain. We walked out with nothing but.....Kalimat ;)

I wonder who'd it be next year. Julia Butrus maybe? I hope so. Who's as big as Fairouz and Majida? My sister thinks that it might be Warda. One of my crazy friends went a bit far with her predictions: Celine Dion! Let's wait and see what dream we'll be living next…